I can't believe it has been a year already. I just have to sum it up here, and then I think I'm ready to move on. I've spent a lot of time remembering the events of last February, including the outpouring of love from friends and family. Three of my sisters actually made the drive (seven hours and four hours) to see us in the hospital, and one of them tried really hard to make it for Smiley Boy's actual birth, but she didn't make it because the time was moved an hour earlier.
The two weeks prior to The Big Day were crazy. I didn't really understand what was happening to my body--it seemed like if my blood pressure was up I should be exercising, not lying around with my feet propped up. I was assured by medical professionals that I trust that I did indeed need to be still. The prospect of bed rest brought all sorts of notions about getting lots of reading done and possibly some scrapbooking. I didn't count on two things though: I was too out of it with the mag sulfate to see to do anything constructive, and the bedrest turned out to be a relatively short two weeks.
The time was filled with morning routines of labs (having my blood drawn about 5:30 each day), being weighed, putting the baby on a monitor, breakfast, and a nap. Visitors usually came in the afternoon, and the doctor in the evening. He would frequently hook us up to the ultrasound machine and check on Smiley Boy. I was actually off the mag sulfate for about a week, and that was really nice. Once I was back on it though, I slept a lot. My father-in-law brought me his laptop so I was able to do some e-mailing, and my beloved called each evening and spent the weekends sleeping on that amazingly uncomfortable chair that unfolds into a bed. There is a part of my mind that knows that this was a very difficult time, but at the same time, I know that I was buoyed up by my heavenly Father, and He made it all completely bearable.
It never occurred to me during this entire time that I might lose this baby. God had filled me with a supernatural peace, and I was able to walk in that throughout. I actually learned a huge lesson about faith. I thought in the beginning that if I just had enough faith, God would heal me, and I would carry this baby full term. After just a few days though, He revealed to me that faith was about trust. I didn't need to trust Him to do a specific thing. I just needed to trust Him. Once I got to this place and realized that I didn't have to work up enough faith to make everything turn out right, I could just rest in Him and trust Him to work things out His way and that His way would be the right way for Smiley Boy, for Drason, and for me.
His way turned out to be a c-section at 26 weeks and a one pound seven ounce, twelve and a half inch long baby that spent almost ten weeks on a ventilator and who didn't come home until a week after his due date. His way turned out to be a g-tube in Smiley Boy's stomach because due to the time he spent on the vent, he had feeding issues and would not take a bottle....
His way also included no brain damage, no eye problems, no hearing problems, and a sweet-natured smiley little boy who is quickly catching up to his peers in development and size. We are so blessed. I bet I've said that a thousand times in the last year. I don't know why God chose us for this adventure, but we thank Him every step of the way that He is with us and carries us through the rough parts.
Happy Birthday, my precious Smiley Boy!